Why I HATE the word willpower

Willpower is the ability to resist short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals.

I'm pretty sure if willpower were a super hero, it would look like this.

Sounds simple enough, right? But seriously, I hate this word. It gets thrown around in such a distasteful and condescending way. The girl having a donut...she must have no willpower. That guy eat his fast food lunch, no will power. Ourselves making an unhealthy decision even if we have been on track he entire rest of the day (or even rest of the week!) ... no willpower.

Did I mention I hate this word? I hate it so much in fact I try to never use it. And it isn't because I don't have willpower. I exercise willpower every day. I don't sleep in so that I can get more done. I don't skip the gym because I know working out will give me energy throughout the day. I'm sure you can think of countless examples of how you exercise your willpower. But for some reason, when it comes to food (mostly desserts...especially ice cream) I seem to have lost this fierce willpower. I will even think to myself, man I have no willpower. But ahem, I do! As I have just expressed to you.

So, I stopped using this word in terms of food. It isn't willpower (or lack thereof) that is encouraging me to eat a big bowl of ice cream or sneak a few chocolate chips. And all this beating myself up about having now willpower really wasn't serving me. It was making me doubt myself. I was questioning my strength, my commitment, my love of self. I was tying so much meaning to my willpower that if I didn't stick to plan even just once I felt so off track that I would just spiral down, because, well, I had no will power so I might as well just prove it to myself and everyone else.

Um...hello...its food. Eating some sweets doesn't mean I am BAD! It doesn't mean I don't have willpower. It doesn't mean I can't make a healthier choice for my next meal or snack. And I realized as I was assigning myself to the "no willpower" group I was also giving myself an excuse to just eat like crap. I didn't have willpower so I didn't ever need to meal plan or prep. I didn't need to be conscious about what I ate at all. I wasn't even enjoying the indulgences because they were kind of taking over my diet. 

And I am not talking about "me" of a year ago. I'm talking about "me" of last week.  I'm talking about "me" of yesterday. I didn't understand why I was resorting to these old eating habits and feeling like I needed to eat all this junk. And then I realized this willpower issue had crept back in. I love food. I really and truly do. I love how it is attached to socializing and emotions. I love how it can bring back fond memories, make us feel happy, bring us pleasure, and unite us with others. I love how it can make us feel loved and cared for and thought of. I love all of these things about it but it also is a double edged sword. Because food is just food. Food is good. It nourishes us both body and soul. It gives us energy. But, we sometimes let food take a place in our lives it doesn't deserve. A place that it starts to have control (this happens in other areas too ... money, material goods, ect). When I eat junk it doesn't make me feel good. Not because I feel guilty, but because physically putting in sugar and more sugar into my body don't serve me and don't sit well. When I eat healthy and have a treat here and there, I feel energized and I find enjoyment.

I think its time to cut ourselves some slack and cut out this word. Stop insulting yourself to be healthier. Stop saying you don't have willpower an start enjoying your food.

My Coaching Why

I've shared some of the success I have had with Beach Body and the 21 Day Fix program and I shared that I became a coach. But, I wanted to go a bit deeper into why I became a coach.

Be gentle with me as I am not so great at making videos yet and this is totally stepping outside of my comfort zone to share this. :)

I wanted to share this for a couple of reasons. One, was because this opportunity, Beach Body, is so much more than just shakes. It really is a way to change lives. It has already changed my own. I'm excited to see where I can go in this business. And I would be thrilled to have you by my side. See, the thing is I am going to pursue this and I am going to find success in it no matter what. I just know it would be great to have you by my side in this. Interested in knowing me, let me know and I will add you to our coaching at a glance group. It is a totally no strings attached Facebook group where you can find out more and get your questions answered. Rather do a challenge group first, awesome! Let me know and we can talk about how you can get started with me this month.

xo
Amber

Where I am at now...It's not all in the numbers

When I started this weight loss journey I was very focused on the numbers. I couldn't believe I had gained over 50lbs during my pregnancy. I was upset that I wasn't losing weight faster. I was angry that my prepregnancy jeans still didn't fit 4 months out. I compared myself to my friends who were losing weight so quickly it seemed. And yet, I was making every excuse possible why I needed to keep eating junk and lots of it. I had an excuse as to why I couldn't work out. I had multiple excuses why I gained so much weight and blamed a lot of that weight on the weight I gained prior to getting pregnant.

You see, the thing was, we had trouble getting pregnant. When we started trying we didn't tell anyone. I had this irrational fear it wouldn't happen for us and I didn't want anyone to know we were trying in case it didn't. And when it finally did, my husband spilled the beans without talking to me. We had a miscarriage. I was devastated. A few months later, we got pregnant again. This time he was a little more guarded. Again, we had a miscarriage. More devastation.  Finally, two years (and 20lbs) after we started really trying we got pregnant and it stuck. We have a beautiful baby boy.

I had a pretty healthy pregnancy but every doctors appointment I would be so worried that it would be that time they wouldn't hear a heart beat. Even during birth I feared more that something would be wrong with the baby than that it would be painful, difficult, or long. The night he was born he had to be moved to the special care nursery because his oxygen level and blood sugar was low and he had some signs of an infection. I thought okay, this is it. This is the terrible thing I have been waiting for. And then the next day his heart raced to 270 beats per minute and they told us he had to be transferred to Boston Children's Hospital for further evaluation. He was transported by ambulance by a special team and we drove separately. I thought again, okay this is it. This is the scary, awful thing I have been fearing. I just knew something I did had caused all of this. They ran their tests, we found we could function with less sleep than I had in gotten in college, and we got answers. He was diagnosed with SVT and has to be on medication. But his condition is manageable and probably even something he will grow out of.

Even now, I still find myself holding my breath when I check on him during his nap to make sure he is still breathing. Or listening to his heartbeat compulsively with the stethoscope just in case even though he hasn't had an event since the very first. But I still clung to this idea that I had done something to cause my son to be born with this condition. Something I did during pregnancy caused his heart to have this extra flap of skin that resends the electrical impulses. I was sure God was punishing me for something I had done. I could think of a million and one things I had done in college making choices like tomorrow didn't matter and people didn't matter. Living a life that wasn't authentic to who I am as a person. Or even minor indiscretions as a teen, staying out late or lying to my dad (don't worry dad, that was very rare!). I clung so hard and fast to this notion, I wasn't taking care of myself because I didn't feel I was worthy of that care. I needed to focus every ounce of my being on my son. And while he was and is worthy of that devotion, it doesn't serve him, it doesn't serve our family, and it really is unnecessary.

This stress, this worry about what I had done spilled over into the care I was giving myself. I didn't have time for it. I was of course a new mom learning the ropes with little sleep and hardly a second to shower let alone work out. But I realized the more independent he was becoming (as independent as an infant can be), the more excuses I was making for my lack of self care. I was filling the free time I did have with junk TV and crappy food. I was suffering and my home was suffering.

The mistakes of my past left me feeling like I wasn't worthy of the hope and success of my future.

And then a friend reached out to me. I've already shared that story here, how I got started, the awesome results I saw, how excited I was to become a coach and start helping others. But what I didn't really share is what it did for my insides. I'm not 75 days into this journey. I've continued to see results on the scale, in my clothes, in the inches. I've seen results in the numbers. I've lost a total of 18lbs and over 30 inches. I'm back in most of my prepregnancy pants. I've lost the baby weight and am not working on the prebaby weight. But it has been so much more than that for me. I've started running again, something I love and was afraid to do. I didn't want to try because I knew I would be slow again and have to build my mileage back up. I'm almost up to 3 miles, still about 10 short of where I'd like my long runs to be. But, the fear isn't there anymore. I am excited to get out and run every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. I've shaved time off, but I'm still pretty slow. But I stopped worrying about what the other runners would think and realized they think what I think...awesome, another runner out here, head nod! For the first time in my life I did 2 sets of 10 regular pushups before I had to go to my knees! That was a huge win for me. I've made all of these physical improvements but I also improved my soul.

I said to another coach, a mentor coach, that I was struggling with my story, I didn't know if it was a story worth telling or a story anyone would want to hear. She had some awesome encouraging words that made me feel better, but I still was fearful. I started working with my first challenge group and in a very short time saw some challengers have amazing results and grow so very much. It was that growth that proved to me I was exactly where I needed to be. I was actually helping people. My story, my journey was touching them and motivating them to start their own. They were trusting me and letting me into their lives, a gift so precious I can't even begin to explain it. They were finding strength within themselves and pride through their hard work that I think some of them had forgotten about. I am empowering people I care about. I am finding passion in something I never would have guessed. I am forgiving myself and accepting the forgiveness I was long ago given.

I decided not to include any transformation pictures in this post because right now, it really isn't about my before and after. I am still on my journey. I am making progress. But its not about the numbers. I am not just numbers. You are not just numbers. If you are on your own journey and looking for help or maybe you haven't yet started that journey because you don't know where to start, I would be honored to reach out and give you a hand like someone gave to me. And maybe you aren't quite ready, but I want you to know I will be here when you are. Maybe you are just scared, know I was scared too. Maybe you are afraid of failure. Yep, that was me too. I truly believe that together we can help you reach your goals. Be brave!

WHAT'S FOR DINNER: 21 Day Fix Stuffed Peppers

I'm not a great cook by any stretch of the mind. My sister somehow got all of those skills. But every now and again I make a recipe that just hits it out of the park. The qualifications for a recipe to fall into this category: I like it, my husband likes it, it makes great leftovers, and it is healthy. We tend to eat a lot of Italian at my house, so I have gotten pretty good at making sauce but have a little trouble stretching myself much past that. So, when I first started the 21 Day Fix and I really had to get outside of my comfort zone and try out some new recipes. I got lucky the first week and tried a version of stuffed peppers that met all of the qualifications. I'm not kidding you when I say I was scared to try this recipe. Not because it was difficult or something I couldn't do, but because I thought I didn't like cooked peppers. I gave it ago anyway an found a recipe that is now in our weekly rotation.

This recipe is 21 Day Fix Approved (so its healthy), is great for leftovers (so I suggest doubling), and is HUSBAND APPROVED!




This is a double recipe and we had a little extra. I now do it in 5 peppers.

21 Day Fix Stuffed Peppers

Ingredients:

2 Bell peppers of your color choice

1 Yellow container of brown rice or quinoa, cooked just shy of done (I cook it in homemade vegetable broth  in the rice cooker and make a large batch for leftover rice)

1/2 Yellow container of black beans, (canned) rinsed and drained

1/2 Yellow container of frozen corn

2 Red containers of browned low fat ground turkey or beef, seasoned with 21 Day Fix Southwestern Seasoning  (Or left over taco meat)

1 Green container of petite diced tomatoes (no sugar added, read the ingredients.  Should only contain tomatoes and ascorbic acid)

1 Green container of tomato sauce (same as diced tomatoes.  Read the label.)

1 Blue container of your favorite cheese

 

Directions



1. Cook brown rice, or quinoa according to directions in your eating plan.

2.  While rice/quinoa is simmering, brown ground meat and season with Southwest seasoning.  Set aside to cool.

3. Drain and rinse black beans.  

4. Portion out diced tomatoes, corn, and tomato sauce, and cheese.

5.  Combine in large bowl meat, tomatoes, corn, rice/quinoa, beans, and sauce. (Sometimes I will do this early in the day, cover, and keep in the fridge until I am ready to cook it that evening.)

6.  Cut caps off of peppers and pull out ribs and core.  Rinse excess seeds out.

 

Don't they look pretty!

Save those tops for a snack or to toss in a salad!

 

7. Stuff peppers with filling.

8. Sprinkle with cheese.

9.  Bake at 375 Fahrenheit for 40-45 minutes, depending on the strength of your oven.  Cheese should be melted and filling should be heated all the way through.



 

YUM!

Eat and Enjoy!  

 

Counts per stuffed pepper:  1 Red, 1 Yellow, 2 Green, 1/2 Blue.

Throwback Thursday: Running Across the Islands

Okay, so that title is kind of misleading. I pretty much only ran on Oahu. I did do a lot of hiking on Maui and The Big Island, but pretty much the actual running was contained to Oahu. But this title just had a nicer ring to it.

I feel like I should explain why I am doing these throwback posts to fitness of my past. Well, for a couple of reasons. One, they were amazing times during my life where I really was focusing on fitness and training. Because of that, they are times of inspiration to me. But also because it was beautiful, it was fun, and I love running so why wouldn't I talk about it. Its all a part of me, a part of my fitness journey helping lead me to where I am today. I am very much a work in progress. I have a hunch that life kind of works like that. Its not over until its over and we aren't finished until the end. And thank goodness for that! Beyond fitness there are so many areas of my life that I am continually trying to get better at, grow stronger in, and find clarity and understanding in.

I posted on Facebook yesterday, "And let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." Hebrews 12:1 The whole verse reads: "Let us also therefore, having so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, laying aside every weight, and sin which so easily entangles us, run with endurance the race that lies before us." My friend reflected on how awesome of an image the "great cloud of witnesses" is and how inspiring that can be. These Saints who have gone before us, cheering us on, and being witness to God's goodness and faithfulness. Inspiring us to continue to try to complete this work which is ourselves.

So, getting back to Hawaii. While in Hawaii I met some really incredible people who loved being active. We did a lot of hikes, mud runs, and other races.



Before Swomp Romp My TB Elena!

After the Swomp Romp

Being 80 degrees year round kind of helps with that.

During Vince's deployment I really got the race bug and was doing at least one race every month it seemed. I became great friends with another spouse, Amanda, whose husband was also deployed. She also loved running and through the deployment our friendship grew through our many races. We did everything from running with a banana to running with Aloha in the Great Aloha Run to running on 4th of July.

Jamba Juice Banana Man 5k

4th of July 5K

We even got our husbands to run some when they got home! It was a blast.

After the Kailua 25K

I tried training once again for a marathon, this time running a series of races leading up to it, the longest one being a 30k. Again, though, I managed to find an excuse to not run this race. This time it was that my dad, step mom, and grandmother were coming into town and we decided to island hop and head to Maui during marathon weekend. While the excuse was legit, they were more than willing to work our trip around my race. I realize now that even though I was running a good 30-40 miles a week I was still incredibly fearful I would finish the marathon or have a super slow time. So, I took the out and ditched the race. Maui was amazing, but I regret not running that race.

So I guess my question for you is what have you held yourself back from doing out of fear? Was it a race, a fitness goal, a job promotion, a new business venture, or maybe even a relationship? I'd love to hear in the comments about what your fear was or even better, how you are working to overcome those fears now. How are you a work in progress?



Throwback Thursday Running the Globe

I've never done a "Throwback Thursday" before. So, I decided for my first one I would do a little tribute to some of the amazing places I have been fortunate it enough to live over the past few years and some of the very cool races I have run.

Most of you probably already know that my husband is in the Army and one of our favorite benefits is that we have gotten to travel so much.


Me and my Hunny! (This was actually before Sea Kayaking)

We have been married for 7 1/2 years and in that time have lived in Louisiana, Italy, Hawaii, and now Boston, MA. Oh, and of course where we are both from, Chicago! Everyone always asks me where my favorite place to live is, but it really is just too difficult to choose. I have loved them all for a variety of reasons. Louisiana is where we started our life together. It wasn't my favorite place, but it will always have a special place in my heart because its where we really got to know each other and begin to find our groove. Italy is where we discovered us as a couple and as individuals and started exploring the world. We traveled Europe, met some amazing friends, and I really started taking my running seriously again. Hawaii, well Hawaii is paradise. Its hard not to love it. And besides Vince's deployment I'm not sure I can saying anything bad about our time there. We ran in some amazing races, visited some awesome islands, and even had time to get pregnant. We haven't been in Boston for long, but it will always be the place my son was born. Its taken me awhile to start to appreciate this area considering I was uncomfortably pregnant for much of our time here and we had one heck of a winter, but now with nicer weather and a more cooperative baby boy, I'm starting to see all it has to offer. I can't wait to run my first race here with all of the amazing runners this area seems to breed. And this year, I am hoping to actually be in town for the Boston marathon. Not to run, but to spectate. Can't wait!
No on to the races!

In Italy I started running again with the intention to train for the Athens Greek Marathon. I registered, I even raised money, but unfortunately I never ran in it. 3 weeks prior, I got injured but I built up my long runs to 20+ miles and found some confidence in my ability to run. Thinking back on it, I think the injury was only partly physical and much more mental. I just wasn't there yet. I wasn't confident in my ability to run that far in the time I wanted. I was spending so much time comparing my time with other people I knew who had run marathons. Not healthy and not worthwhile.

I wish I had more pictures from race days, but Italy is just so beautiful so I'll share some of those as I tell you about the races I did get to do while in Italy. I had the amazing opportunity to run in a race in Florence.

Outside the Uffizi

My good friend Rachel told me about the half marathon she was running. It was pretty early in my training so I decided to run in the 10K they were also hosting. It was really incredible. It was a huge race with thousands of people. Vince came and watched, Rachel and our other friend left me in their dust, and I trotted along feeling the energy from all the other competitors. It was awesome!



Livorno by the sea on NYE (it wasn't quite this crowded when I would run here)

Some of my favorite runs in Italy were just along the sea in Livorno. I would go super early, like 4:30am early, before it got to hot. I'd always be the first one out there for the first half hour or so, but then the other runners would show up and give you that nod like you were in it together. No one judged how slow I was going, they just gave me props for getting up and getting out. The other awesome thing about this area I ran in, they did a big New Years Eve party every year. 
Every year Camp Darby also would sponsor Run to the Tower, which was about a 7 mile run from base to the Tower of Pisa. It seemed like the whole base came out to do it. The Soldier would often run in formation and the civilians would walk or run it. Such a neat experience to be a part of something like that.

The Leaning tower of Pisa (not taken during this run because I didn't have a camera, but on another trip there)

 

I figure this is a good stopping point. Hawaii really deserves its own entry, so next Thursday I can do another throwback. But, I wanted to touch on something I said earlier about lacking confidence in my running. I have felt this at so many times in terms of fitness and it is always something I regret. I wish I wouldn't let my own fear hold me back from experiences, experiences that I am sure would have been amazing. Don't let your own fear hold you back from taking control of your fitness! You don't have to train for a marathon or even run at all. Maybe you prefer some other athletic endeavor and that is great! Just take those small steps each day in the right directions. It doesn't have to be huge, but each action you take adds up. Whether that adds up to something that benefits you is your decision.

Why don't I have the words...starting a new journey

So here I am, starting over yet again. We are in another new place, we have a new baby, and I have started a new fitness journey.  All of these amazing things are happening and yet I am struggling putting it all into words. Like, it has taken me days to actually finish this post I started. So, instead of writing I spent some time trying to figure out why. Why couldn't I find the words when normally I have so many? Why is it taking so long? Is it fear or something else? And I realized, it is fear, but it is also something else. I am fearful the words won't be right or it will come across cheesy or no one will want to read it. But I think the biggest barrier has been that I won't be able to live up to what I have to say as I commit to this new lifestyle and these goals I am putting not just on paper hidden in my own nightstand drawer, but on the internet for the world to see.  So here it is, front and center. I am once again committing to my fitness and my health. As part of that journey, I have decided to become a Beachbody coach.

Add to my library with PiYo!

Okay, big deal Amber. Way to be over dramatic. And while yes, that may be true, it actually is a big deal to me. Fitness has always been a part of my life. I use it for much more than weight loss. It keeps me sane, it brings me peace, it builds my confidence, its gives me satisfaction, it connects me to others, and it always me to also retreat within and take a break from the world. I know I won't always be perfect. There are too many delicious things in this world to never eat another sweet and too many reasons to celebrate. And in my life, celebrations comes with food. But am I working to incorporate a more active lifestyle and better nutrition overall, yes very much so. Am I trying to find ways to reward myself besides food, yes every day. Am I learning to recognize my own triggers that cause me to eat and plan better so that I can make a healthy choice, for sure.

But the big deal part is really this new opportunity that I have decided to seize by becoming a Beachbody coach. As many of you know, I just had a baby. Okay, well maybe not just...its been almost 6 months. I put on A LOT of weight during this pregnancy and to be completely honest a lot of weight in the year before we got pregnant trying to get pregnant and dealing with the ups and downs of that. All said and done 68lbs. Yes, you read that correctly. I don't think my husband has even heard the total number. My body changed so dramatically from carrying a baby that to be honest most times I don't recognize in the mirror. I felt unhealthy. Not just fat, but tired and drained from being a new mom and carrying all that extra weight. I didn't like how I looked and didn't like how I felt. My dear friend Misha invited me to try out the 21 Day Fix. Misha became my coach and guided me through a challenge group. She had this faith in me that I didn't have in myself. She just knew I was going to be successful when I really thought I wouldn't. She was right, I was successful.



Misha posted this to share my success on her transformation Tuesday!
 

I had already lost some weight after giving birth. But during the 21 days of this challenge I lost 7.2lbs and 20 inches!! I'm sure you can tell that many of those inches were in my stomach. But, I lost inches everywhere, in my thighs, my arms, my waist, my stomach, my chest. Beyond the numbers, it gave me the confidence to go for my first post baby run. MY FIRST POST BABY RUN!!! I love running but had been afraid I would never make it more than down the driveway. But, I made it a mile and half loop.

So the success fueled my fire to continue on but also to share how well this program works with others. And not just the 21 Day Fix, but all Beachbody programs. Want to know the secret, they work because they encourage you to build a community of like-minded people around you to help you be successful. That is what the challenge groups are for! They provide you with accountability and support. They help you build your community. They form friendships and support that go beyond the 21 days (or 30 days or however long your challenge is for).

So I have gone on long enough, much longer than I originally intended. What do you think? Are you up for the challenge? I would love to be the one to help you get started on your own fitness journey, whether you are starting from the beginning, continuing on a great path, or picking back up after some time off. I'd love to be part of your community. I'd love to be your Beachbody coach. If you are interested or even just curious, lets talk!